Turning Back the Pendulum
by Belzira
Summary: After leaving Anakin on the molten shores of Mustafaar, Obi-Wan leaves Luke with Beru and Owen Lars. Heartbroken, lonely and scared, all his thoughts revolve around Anakin. Suddenly, he finds himself back on Queen Amidala's ship as they leave Tatooine.
1. Prologue

Author: Belzira

Author: Belzira

Characters: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Qui-Gon Jinn, Anakin Skywalker and Padmé Amidala

Genre and settings: AU and no, this is not a slash-fic… sorry.

This is a time-travel Obi-centric fic and begins at the end of RotS but quickly shifts back to when Obi-Wan first met Anakin in TPM.

Disclaimer: All Star Wars characters belong to the great George Lucas.

I first started writing this fic over a year ago, but I have been very hesitant to put it here before now. Chapter-wise I have about a third of the fic left to write. If you read this prologue, please tell me what you think and if you want to read the rest of it.

**TURNING BACK THE PENDULUM**

Prologue

The sunset at Tatooine was dazzling and more beautiful than Obi-Wan could describe in words. There was some kind of tranquillity in the pearly, vibrant shine of the twin suns and yet some kind of eternal melancholy that echoed from every rock and grain of sand in the desert landscape.

Beru Whitesun's silhouette was also stunningly beautiful as she stood with her back to him with little Luke in her arms, gazing into the setting suns. Another, larger, silhouette walked up to her. Owen Lars had joined his new family.

They might have been made by desert rocks themselves, Obi-Wan thought mournfully. For they looked so _right_ together. Solid, content and happy. That was exactly what Anakin and Padmé would have looked like had they survived. He turned away hurriedly and started towards his mount as he felt the first prickle of tears in his eyes.

The burnt corpse of Anakin – the terribly scarred body of Vader on the rocky shores of Mustafaar would always haunt him. Yellow eyes had bore into him, accusing him but also pleading with him. _Don't leave me here, Obi-Wan._ They had said. He had hesitated for a moment. But yellow eyes belonged to a dark lord of the Sith, not his Anakin. Yet hadn't there been a flicker of blue in the depths even as the hoarse voice screamed hatred and revenge?

Because of that small doubt, he hadn't been able to deliver the killing blow. In retrospect that wasn't very merciful to the tortured creature, but he couldn't bring himself to kill the person who in his heart was his son. He had failed Yoda and the Order. No doubt Vader would die of his wounds, but that was beside the point. He hadn't acted like a Jedi when he had spared Vader's life. He had acted like a selfish person who had no regard for authority or any ability to calculate risks. There was a very small risk that the Emperor had monitored Ana-Vader and would hurry to his rescue. But Coruscant was a far way from Mustafaar. Surely he couldn't make it in time? What if Vader survived? Then Luke and Leia would be in grave danger. What if he by sparing the life of Vader forfeited so many others?

Obi-Wan batted the troubling thoughts aside. There was nothing he could do if the Emperor had run to the rescue. He had made his choice and he couldn't go back and undo whatever damage he had done. He would stay here on Tatooine and watch over Luke and train him when he was old enough. Leia was safe with Bail. It was Luke who was in most danger. He shone almost as brightly in the Force as Anakin had. But as Anakin grew and the life at the Temple had gotten on his nerves with its peace and serenity, the light that marked his presence had dimmed until it was almost as weak as the moon on a night where heavy clouds obscured the skies.

Obi-Wan tried to stave off a headache. It was easy to see now that the dimming had progressed in the same pace as Anakin's descent to the dark side. Why hadn't he seen it before? It was his duty as Master to notice such things and set his padawan's mind at peace. But what could he have done differently? Glancing back over his shoulder at the family standing on a hill by the homestead, he had his answer. What Anakin had longed most for in his life was a family. Anakin had occupied the place of a son in Obi-Wan's heart, but had Anakin _known_ that? Qui-Gon's and Obi-Wan's apprenticeship time had been much closer and filled with love than ordinary Master-padawan relations, but Obi-Wan had not realized that until many years later when it was already too late for him and Anakin. How much could have been changed if only he had acted differently? If Obi-Wan had shown Anakin more of what was in his heart and not abided by the code so stubbornly – thinking that showing attachment would lead Anakin towards the dark side – maybe then his padawan wouldn't have turned to Palpatine for a bit of affection.

Oh Force. He sighed. If only they had realized sooner who Palpatine truly was… then Qui-Gon might not have died. Anakin most probably wouldn't have turned to the dark side. Probably. The latter likely weighed more on Obi-Wan's shoulders than anybody else's. If only he had been able to realize that a child, not raised within the temple and thereby already in control of his emotions, needed slightly customized training.

If, if, if. There were so many "if"s Obi-Wan felt sick. The past was the past and he, a mere human, could do nothing to change it. He should just let his negative emotions flow into the Force and accept the situation as it was. The Force! He rallied against it with all his might. How could it let Anakin slip so far? Wasn't Anakin conceived by midichlorians themselves?! So why had the light side of the Force let the dark half corrupt him?

But Obi-Wan knew that the Force didn't view itself as dark or light. It simply was. It pulsed around him now, trying to soothe his pain and siphon it away. But he wasn't ready to let it go. The anguish of losing Anakin was still too raw. He couldn't and wouldn't let it go. Neither could he go back to being a full Jedi now that he knew how great his failure was. Was this how Qui-Gon had felt with Xanatos? If it was: how had Qui-Gon managed to continue living? Obi-Wan felt lightheaded. This was all so absurd. Would the next padawan he trained, if he ever would train another, become a Jedi only to battle a Sith and lose his or her padawan in turn by either the padawan or the master himself becoming a Sith? A hysterical laughter threatened to break forth.

The Force swirled and swelled around him. A boy's carefree laughter rang from far away, riding on the swift currents to reach his ears. Obi-Wan cried. _Anakin._


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Obi-Wan fought the dizziness and fog that seemed to have latched onto his mind. He realized he had been unconscious for a while but however that had come about, he had no idea.

"—Mister Qui—"

Was that a voice? Shaking his head mildly he felt the first wisps of fog lighten and dissolve. He seemed to be standing in the landing area of a ship. If he was to judge from the heat still seeping in through the not yet closed hatch, he was on a desert planet.

"Are you all right, mister Qui-Gon, sir?" the young voice repeated anxiously.

Qui-Gon? Obi-Wan staggered at the force of the emotions that the name invoked and looked around himself wildly. Qui-Gon was dead. Did this mean he, too, was dead? His eyes landed on the crumpled form of a man sitting on the floor, trying to regain his breath. He was tall and dressed in simple farmer clothes, but in his hand rested a very familiar lightsaber. The face was obscured by long hair that fell forward into his face, moving slightly as gentle puffs of breath escaped from the mouth concealed behind.

"Qui-Gon", Obi-Wan breathed, disbelieving.

Deep blue eyes snapped up to meet his. "Yes, padawan?" came the gentle inquiry.

Obi-Wan reeled. This couldn't be possible. His eyes then landed on a small boy with sun bleached, wind-tousled hair. Startlingly blue eyes locked onto his, worry evident in their childish glitter. _Anakin. _

Taking a shocked step backwards, Obi-Wan closed his eyes for a second, feeling the Force around him. It felt normal… well, as normal at it could possibly feel, but with an addition of smugness that he had never felt before. He felt his eyes snap open and widen in disbelief. The Force was _smug_ about something? Letting his gaze sweep over his surroundings again, he decided it was best to bide his time until he knew what exactly was going on. This appeared to be the past: he could even feel the training bond he shared with Qui-Gon, but that could not be because it had snapped when Qui-Gon died. He had lived with the painfully ragged and raw ends tearing at his mind ever since. To be in the past was also utterly impossible. Unless. No, he would meditate on this later. Better to observe and wait for now.

"Padawan?" Qui-Gon repeated.

So much for that resolve. Obi-Wan desperately tried to mould his expression into a neutral and very much serene Jedi expression, but failed miserably as he felt tears well up in his eyes.

"Nothing, master…" Oh dear Force. Hoping that his master hadn't heard the desperate hope in his voice, he cleared his throat silently. "…What was that creature?" He had to say _something_, right?

Qui-Gon shook his head tiredly and in bewilderment. "I do not know. But he was well trained in the Jedi arts. My guess is that he was after the queen."

_Or maybe he was trained only in the dark side, master._ Obi-Wan thought without mirth. Realizing that Anakin had been staring at him for some time now, he turned his attention to the young boy.

"Who is this?" he asked nobody in general. It was Qui-Gon who answered, just like he remembered.

"This is the boy without whose help we still would be stuck here. Anakin Skywalker, meet Obi-Wan Kenobi." Even as Qui-Gon was halfway through his introduction, Anakin's eyes had grown to twice their usual size and he goggled at Obi-Wan's lightsaber.

"You're a Jedi too?!" Anakin exclaimed with a very familiar wide grin, and Obi-Wan felt like crying again.

"I'm not a fully trained Jedi yet, but yes." Obi-Wan answered with what he hoped weren't a desperate kind of voice. Anakin's head tilted slightly to the side and a small frown creased his small brow.

"How can you be a Jedi but at the same time kind of not?"

Obi-Wan stared at the boy for a second before breaking out in laughter. The question was so innocent and at the same time all too serious. It was just too much Anakin.

"Well you see", he said in between gasps as he tried to draw in air. "Being a Jedi is a lifestyle, so in that way you are always a Jedi once you are committed to the cause. But while you're still learning you go through the stages of youngling, initiate and padawan. I'm the latter, by the way… and I'm sorry for laughing at you."

Anakin waved away his apology even before Obi-Wan had finished the sentence.

"Oh", he said sounding relieved. "I thought 'padawan' sounded a little bit weird. Thought your mom had given you a really bad middle-name."

A deep rumble of laughter spread through the corridor as Qui-Gon winked at Obi-Wan.

"Imagine that."

Obi-Wan blinked. Qui-Gon was joking about what the different stages of jedi training was named? He even winked?! Immediately all traces of humor left Obi-Wan and he felt his shoulders sag a little. This, if nothing else, made him believe even more that this was… whatever it was… couldn't be real. Because the _real_ Qui-Gon probably would have been disappointed with him for laughing at Anakin. Past, present, future or hallucination.

"Padawan?" Qui-Gon's voice again. No. Obi-Wan squashed the small hope that had begun flaring firmly with his boot. Yet the Force would not lie. But then again, he had never before thought that the Force could possibly be _smug_. However, all questions had to be addressed at a later time.

"Obi-Wan, is something wrong?"

The deep blue eyes scanned Obi-Wan's face, taking in every detail, looking for clues.

_Oh, master. If you only knew…_ After a few moments, Obi-Wan couldn't take it anymore but turned to Anakin, ignoring his master completely. He couldn't keep a worried Qui-Gon Jinn out of his mind much longer if he let those eyes scrutinize him further.

"So, Anakin. I hear you have a big love of flying. Should we go to the cockpit and ask Ric if he can give us a crash course on Nubian starships?" Obi-Wan asked and was rewarded with a well-loved blinding smile.

"Yes sir!" was Anakin's immediate reply. Belatedly he turned to Qui-Gon who was still sitting on the deck and pleaded with his big blue eyes even as the words left his lips. "Please let us go, mister Qui-Gon." The smile stretched impossibly wide as the Jedi Master nodded his consent with an indulgent smile.

Obi-Wan took a step towards his master as Anakin, almost bursting with enthusiasm, bounced around the corridor, anxious to be on his way. He hesitated for a moment before extending his hand, trying to avoid direct eye contact with his master even as he helped him up.

"You might want to rest some, master", Obi-Wan suggested. "You're not as young as you used to be, and that thing out there seemed to go pretty hard on you."

"Yes, that sounds like a good idea", his master finally replied after a few moments of silence. "However", Obi-Wan felt an affectionate hand land on his shoulder. "You are not feeling well and we will talk more about it in the evening."

Obi-Wan knew that this just meant that his master was giving him more time to compose himself, for secret or no secret, reality or delusion: if Qui-Gon was set on getting to the bottom of what was troubling him, there was nothing Obi-Wan could do to stop him. Secretly, he was glad for this, for it meant that his master truly cared about him.

It would be nice for a change, Obi-Wan mused, to simply be the padawan again. No heavy responsibilities or a depressing war. All he had to do was simply to exist and follow and learn from his master… and spending precious time with both his master and Anakin. Obi-Wan grinned as he reined in an overly enthusiastic nine-year-old and started toward the cockpit.

__________________________________________________

"And then I thought the whole thing would go BAM, but it didn't, and Obi-Wan said that it was because the plasma in the conduits was still cool enough. I was thinking that maybe if we could modify the relays, then-"

Obi-Wan smiled tiredly at Qui-Gon through Anakin's enthusiastic chatter. It had been a long day and he had completely forgotten how energetic and 'over the top' Anakin could be once he set his eyes on something he deemed interesting. After exploring the cockpit, to Ric Olié's badly hidden amusement, Obi-Wan had decided that they could go tinkering a bit with spare parts and create their own (mostly) harmless machines and trinkets. This, naturally, had made Anakin so happy that he could barely contain himself. Obi-Wan looked at the small boy indulgently. Whatever he could do to help Anakin through the pain of separation from his mother, it was worth it. Big or small. As long as the boy felt needed and loved.

"I am happy to hear that you had such a good time together with Obi-Wan today", Qui-Gon said once he could get a word in edgewise.

"Yes! It was really cool." Anakin exclaimed.

"I suppose you must be hungry after all that activity. Could you go get Padmé while I talk a bit with Obi-Wan?"

The Jedi Master smiled broadly as Anakin replied with a suddenly serious 'yes sir' and tousled the boy's sandy blond hair affectionally. As Anakin bounded down the corridor, he turned to Obi-Wan, noticing with an almost imperceptible wince that instead of the open expression that the younger man always wore when they talked to each other, was a guarded and partially closed one.

"Now", he began. "I know you don't want to talk with me just yet, otherwise you wouldn't have evaded my questions earlier." He watched the younger man squirm for a few moments to let the message sink in before he continued. "But I really need to know if you are feeling ill or unsettled, padawan."

When Obi-Wan still wasn't saying anything, Qui-Gon grew more worried and gestured towards their quarters. It was highly unusual for Obi-Wan to behave in this manner and he could only hope that the unsettling shift he had felt in the Force earlier that day didn't have anything to do with his padawan.

"Do you wish to meditate?" he asked.

After a long moment of silence did blue-gray expressive eyes hesitantly met his eyes. Qui-Gon blinked at the warring emotions he could see reflected in them, he was so caught up in trying to decipher them that he almost missed the question that was half-whispered, as though the speaker was afraid something would break if he were to put more force behind the words.

"Is this real?"

Real? Why would Obi-Wan ask if anything was real? Qui-Gon frowned mentally as he pondered the question. He knew his padawan wasn't as attuned to the living Force as he was, but that would not mean Obi-Wan suddenly had lost the ability to tell if something was real. What did he mean by 'real"? Registering desperation and hopelessness in Obi-Wan's eyes, the confused Jedi Master could think of only one thing to reply.

"Of course this is real, padawan."

As he saw hope glimmer for an instant before being crushed, Qui-Gon understood that something bad had happened to Obi-Wan. He could not understand what the young man could possibly have run into as he had spent most of their time on Tatooine inside the ship.

Obi-Wan sighed. "I'm sorry, master. I feel as though my center has been thrown off and won't align again properly."

"Maybe…" Qui-Gon nodded slowly, not believing that hypothesis for one instant. "but I do not think that it is the only reason you're feeling so-", he broke off and scrutinized the man in front of him. Obi-Wan looked as though he would rather be anywhere but there at that particular moment. "-depressed and uneasy."

Indignation registered on the young man's face. "Dep- I… Master!" was all he managed to splutter.

The older man suppressed a sigh. He had gone too far and talked too soon. If Obi-Wan went as far as trying to deny his obvious discomfort, then he was feeling very poorly indeed. He lifted a hand to the other man's shoulder, waiting until blue-grey eyes met his.

"All right, Obi-Wan", he began. "I will not pressure you into talking yet, it was wrong of me and I apologize. But-", he hastened to add, "you will have to talk soon. It is not good to carry around such negative feelings for any extended period of time."

"Yes Master." the reply was only too relieved.

Anakin chose that moment to return with Padmé in tow, dragging the girl along by holding her hand. They were both smiling and talking animatedly. Padmé looked worriedly at Obi-Wan as he and Qui-Gon joined them on the way to the cafeteria. But she seemed relieved and reassured when Obi-Wan smiled at her and talked to her about normal things.

Qui-Gon smiled sadly. His padawan had clearly undergone some kind of crisis during their separation. When Obi-Wan had bumped into the masquerading Queen by accident earlier that day, he had stared at her disbelievingly for a few seconds before snapping out of whatever daze he had been in and apologized. Qui-Gon hadn't witnessed this himself, but Ric Olié swore on his honor as the Queen's personal pilot that all was true and that he was worried about the young Jedi.

Whenever Qui-Gon tried to send a probe or a reassuring thought through their training bond, he was only met with silence.

_Oh, my padawan._ He thought sadly. _Why won't you talk to me?_

_______________________________________________________

**AUTHOR:  
**Hello!

Once again, I'm terribly sorry for not uploading! Hopefully, the chapters will come more regularly from now on. This is entirely my fault. Sure, I've had a lot projects and deadlines in school, but seriously, it shouldn't take me this long between chapters!  
Like I wrote in the prologue: most of the story is already written, but as it is more than one year since I wrote it, I keep on finding faults and plot holes... therefore I feel like I have to revise all chapters before I upload them here.

This chapter's Qui-Gon-centered part is very rare. Just so you know. I've had a few notes from some of you begging me not to let other character's voices take over too much. They will not. I just felt I needed Qui-Gon's thoughts here (even if they are very angsty) in order to explain his somewhat ooc behavior.

I'm sorry if my grammar is off. English is far from my first language... .;

Thank you for your patience!


	3. Chapter 2

Author's note:

It's finally updated!

I'm sorry if the grammar is horrible or if the language is too formal and stilted… and also if the story is moving forward too quickly. I've had some trouble getting the story to flow the way I want it to (i.e. I fail miserably). Review and tell me what you think!

/Belzira

OLD AUTHOR's NOTE

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Hello all readers!

It seems like my old author's note is gone. I don't know why as I haven't edited anything… *sigh*

Anyway. School is burying me in work. **This story is NOT abandoned.** I have written at least two more chapters and am in the process of editing them. But I won't be able to upload anything until after the next two project deadlines (I simply don't have the time necessary to finish editing).

We're also looking for internships for this coming spring and that takes a lot of time as well…

Like I said in the last author's note: this story is finished. But it's an old version. That version has been finished for almost two years now. But I'm no longer happy with that version and am rewriting it. That's why it takes such a long time.

I hope some of you are still willing to continue reading when I start uploading again… over six months between updates is not okay, after all.

And this time, I really mean it. (I underestimated how much work being a 3D student would be, but I won't make that mistake again.)

/Belzira

Obi-Wan fell back against his bed with a huff. It had been a lot harder than he expected to see their faces again. The faces of the three persons he loved more than anything else in the universe. His family. He resisted the urge to bury his face in a pillow as he felt his cheeks redden. This was the first time he had allowed himself to call them that to himself. Feeling love towards them was one thing. To put a label on that love was another.

The Jedi were supposed to regard the Temple and all of the Jedi as their family and home, but Obi-Wan had never been able to do that. Bant, Garen and his other friends felt more like cousins than siblings if he was to think of them as relatives at all. Qui-Gon, however, had started out like a tall, terrifying –in a good way-, master that inspired respect and awe from others even if he intended it or not. But that person had soon transformed into something else. Obi-Wan could now truthfully say that there was nothing he wouldn't do for the older man and that the universe would feel much colder without him. In short: Qui-Gon had become to Obi-Wan what Obi-Wan felt toward Anakin. A surrogate father that in many ways was so much more than any biological father could ever be. Home was where Qui-Gon was and without him, he would be lost.

Obi-Wan flopped over onto his stomach, burying his face in the soft mattress. Qui-Gon had poked at his shields so many times during the day that he could swear he felt a bruise beginning to form on the exposed area.

He understood the good intentions and concern behind that action, but even his master should be able to tell when enough was enough.

To be fair, Qui-Gon probably didn't realize that he had made even half of those probes as they seemed rather erratic and subconscious in nature. But just because many of the probes were subconscious, Obi-Wan's conscience felt it prudent to rap him smartly over the head and proclaim that he shouldn't keep anything, however insignificant or universe-shattering from his master. Even the simplest of bonds were made in trust, and Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon's training bond ran a lot deeper than the average.

Oh, dear Force. Bonds.

Obi-Wan felt blood drain from his face. While Qui-Gon's bond had been healed and was now whole again with only the ghost of the ragged and torn ends left as a faint overlaying image, that was only natural as neither of them had fully wanted to let that bond go when Qui-Gon died.

But the training bond he had shared with Anakin had been severed in the more natural way, with consent from both sides. That cut had been clean and easy. Obi-Wan didn't know if Anakin knew that they had begun forming another bond almost immediately after the first was severed. That new bond had the markings of family. Even when Darth Vader had stared at him hatefully, that bond had still been there.

No.

Obi-Wan screamed in despair. If their family bond was still in existence even with one of them as a Sith, that could only mean that Anakin wasn't completely dead. He hadn't imagined things. There had been a flash of blue in those eyes, evidence of a soul that desperately tried to fight the darkness surrounding it. Looking for any hint of light; that anyone cared enough about him to see his frantic struggle. And the one who had seen had ignored it. Rationalized him away.

Tears burned in his eyes and flowed down his cheeks. He had abandoned his son. Just as Qui-Gon had abandoned him. The circumstances were different, true. But in the end, they had both abandoned the very persons who needed them the most. Oh, Anakin might have felt that he needed Padmé more than his master as she undoubtedly was his soulmate, but Obi-Wan had been his last hope as the dark side swallowed him whole.

The young man on the bed curled up in a ball, shut his eyes and wept for all that was lost.

Obi-Wan opened his eyes and blinked uncomprehendingly at the ceiling. Someone had pulled a thin blanket over him. That could only mean that he had either passed out or fallen asleep sometime during the hours of agonizing pain. Feeling his master's steady, sleeping presence from across the small room he suddenly felt ridiculous for not realizing who that someone had been. He wondered what had woken him and sat up, prying through the semi-darkness of the room. There was nothing in sight that could have caused a noise or a disturbance big enough to wake him from what he was sure had been a deeply exhausted sleep. It was very silent. Even Qui-Gon's gentle breathing didn't break the tranquillity of the room.

Frowning, Obi-Wan turned his gaze inward and immediately spotted a tiny ball of misery that wasn't his own at the back of his head. He followed the faint trail to its source and blinked in surprise. Anakin was still awake and clearly unhappy.

Obi-Wan hopped off the bed and hunted for his boots as quietly as he could manage, all the while keeping an eye on Qui-Gon so he wouldn't wake the man unnecessarily.

It was not until he was out in the corridor that he realized the significance of what he had felt. His steps faltered for a moment, but years of caring and practice propelled him towards his former padawan. If he could feel Anakin in his head, then that meant that at least one of the bonds were reforming themselves. If the family bond had been broken by his travel, of course. Otherwise it would still be intact but dormant. He sighed. This was a complication he had not counted on. If Yoda or Mace picked up on something unusual, he would most certainly have an even harder time trying to conceal everything from the council. Much as he loved them, he also knew that they would undoubtedly do more harm by following their curiosity rather than what their sensibility told them. How long could he hope to keep them in the dark about his apparent impossible travel through time? Would that even be fair?

Obi-Wan stopped in front of the doors to the mess hall, feeling Anakin's presence on the other side. He probed the room quickly before stepping close enough for the doors to open. There was only Anakin, Jar-Jar and the two trusty droids inside. The gungan was sprawled in a boneless manner in a chair, snoring loudly. Obi-Wan snickered mentally. That one wouldn't easily wake up.

His eyes then fell on Anakin. The small boy sat huddled in a golden red blanket with the Naboo royal emblem embroidered in shimmering thread. He was shivering slightly.

"Is something the matter, Anakin?" Obi-Wan asked gently.

The boy hesitated for a second. "Yes… no… I'm cold. Padmé was here earlier and talked a bit, but it didn't help very much."

Obi-Wan nodded and waited for the boy to scoot over slightly before sitting down beside him.

"Nothing really feels like it will ever be right again… or warm… when you're separated from your parent for the first time." He smiled teasingly, "especially when you jump headlong onto a starship from a desert planet."

Anakin's eyes had gone round from this admission and he burrowed into the older man's side more snugly and contemplated how to voice his thoughts before deciding on the direct approach.

"How did you know that Obi-Wan?"

Obi-Wan blinked. _Great. Well done, Kenobi._

"Ah, let's just say I lost someone who was very dear to me… besides, I'm positive I would feel like that if I and Qui-Gon would ever get separated. Completely separated."

"As in if the Jedi decided you couldn't be his apprentice anymore?"

Ouch.

"Something like that. What you said probably would devastate me beyond repair."

At that, the young boy had the cheek to poke him in the ribs.

"It's good then that I'm good at fixing things, isn't it, Obi-Wan?"

Obi-Wan could not resist laughing and tousling his boy's hair. If only Anakin knew, if he only knew that he in fact had been what had saved Obi-Wan.

"Yes. I'm fortunate to have you."

A comfortable silence settled around them as they sat looking at everything and nothing, enjoying each other's company. Obi-Wan had gently placed his arms around the boy's shoulder and was beginning to nod off as Anakin spoke up again.

"Obi-Wan?"

"Hmm?" was all that he managed in reply.

The boy took a deep breath, apparently mustering courage for whatever he wanted to say.

"Thank you for sitting here with me. It doesn't hurt as much anymore. It's like I've known you all my life and that I can trust you to take care of me like mom did… not that you would ever replace her, of course… but…" he trailed off, obviously feeling embarrassed and a little guilty that he had come close to renouncing his mother not even a day after they had separated.

"Anakin", Obi-Wan couldn't help it. A huge grin broke out on his face as he felt warmth spread through him and he hugged the small body with the arm he already had draped across the boy's shoulder. "I understand, thank you."

A highly confused but very proud Jedi Master found them in the morning, sleeping sprawled all over the sofa, with identical smiles on their lips.

* * *

Obi-Wan folded his hands nervously on the impeccable front of his Jedi robe, trying to give off a sense of serenity and calm. They were less than an hour from Coruscant now and Anakin was growing clingy even though he obviously was very curious as well.

"No", Obi-Wan said for the umpteenth time. "Please do not cling, Anakin. There will be time for us to talk later."

Blue, worried eyes met his.

"But what if I'm not accepted?"

"That is irrelevant right now, young one." Obi-Wan smiled. "Right now you should focus on the present and perhaps go talk some with Padmé. She will be far busier than either Qui-Gon or I once we land."

Seeing yet another protest forming, he knelt down but refrained from touching the boy.

"Listen, Ani. Whatever happens, you will be able to talk to me and see me whenever you want." He looked away for a moment, not quite trusting his voice. "But there is a possibility that you will not be able to see Padmé again for quite some time." Making a small motion towards the disguised queen, he continued. "And she looks like she would like to talk some more with you."

Anakin squirmed a bit but cast a longing gaze in her direction.

"Really." Obi-Wan answered the unspoken question with a chuckle. "Off you go." He tousled the boy's hair briefly and then stood up. He hoped that he would manage to calm his own nerves in the respite he got from sending Anakin in Padmé's direction.

He failed miserably. Of course, it didn't help much when Qui-Gon was trying to burn a hole through the back of his head with his steady gaze.

By the time the elegant ship touched down on the landing platform, Obi-Wan was decidedly frazzled but also very annoyed. From the now puzzled looks his master sent his way he also looked, at the very least, stern.

A light breeze made their cloaks billow a little when the landing platform was lowered. The Supreme Chancellor Valorum and Senator Palpatine were waiting for them. As they made their way towards the welcoming party, Obi-Wan noticed that Palpatine looked distinctly peeved at not being alone to welcome them, but he hid it well. Had he been alone an assassination had undoubtedly occurred and Palpatine would find a way to worm his way out of any suspicion that might fall on his person. Obi-Wan couldn't help but frown heavily at the man as they walked together towards the ferrying shuttle. The Sith Lord seemed surprised at this and scrutinized the padawan even as he spouted platitudes and empty promises.

Obi-Wan was almost beyond caring and only managed to let Anakin leave together with the queen's entourage when he recalled his words to Anakin.

"That man is a sneaky opportunist."

The comment was spoken so close that Obi-Wan started in surprise. He hadn't noticed his master creeping up beside him.

"But you should stop staring at him in that hostile way, padawan. He hasn't done anything serious yet."

The admonishment almost set Obi-Wan off in a true rage that would no doubt get him kicked out of the Order.

"Is that so, master?" he snarled and whipped around to meet the older man's stern gaze. "How can you be so sure?"

Qui-Gon looked taken aback by the vehement reply and put up his hands in a calming gesture.

"Peace, Obi-Wan. I am quite sure that we would sense if he had any insidious agenda that would threaten anyone in the party." he said feebly.

A sharp laughter was the answer he got as the younger man almost doubled over.

_He didn't really say "insidious" did he? Oh Force, he did._

He unfolded his arms from his cramping stomach. "In_sidious_, master? Really?" this was all he could manage before setting off again, howling with laughter.

"Well I don't understand what I said that could possibly be so funny, padawan." Qui-Gon sounded put-out. "But in any case, it is high time for us to report to the council."

Getting no reply but hysterical laughter, Qui-Gon rolled his eyes, took his padawan by the cuff of his robes and gently but firmly dragged him towards their speeder.

* * *

Anakin was beyond bored. He was quite ready to give in to his childish impulses and lie down on the floor and bawl with fatigue. Padmé had gone somewhere on an errand for the queen that he couldn't accompany her on and Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon was holed up in that intimidating temple that loomed over the simple building he sat in, waiting.

Padmé. Anakin smiled as he shifted around in the big couch trying to find a comfortable position. The girl's smile made him warm and he didn't miss his mother as much whenever she was near. Come to think of it, Obi-Wan also had that effect on him.

It was amazing that two such important persons could find time to bother themselves with _him_: a simple former slave-boy. Anakin still couldn't believe it even though he tried. Every instinct he had, be it beaten into him or not, screamed at him that he wasn't even worthy of being in their company. Yet they didn't seem to dislike him in the least, but went to great lengths to ensure that he was as happy as he could possibly be with the current situation. Qui-Gon also tried his best, but the man kept himself more at a distance now that the younger ones were fighting for Anakin's attention.

They were actually, actually _fighting_ for his attention. Well, Anakin amended. Maybe not fighting physically, but Obi-Wan and Padmé almost seemed jealous of each other when Anakin chose to be with only one of them. But they both told him that they didn't mind and that he should spend more time together with the other person. It was as if they thought Anakin was too small to be able to love both of them at the same time. And he really wished Qui-Gon wouldn't stay distant but be as he had been on Tatooine. Because he also liked Anakin a lot. He could _feel_ that. According to Obi-Wan that was one of the many talents he had with the Force.

The Force. Anakin rolled the word around in his head lazily as he watched Jar-Jar make a fool out of himself yet again. It was nice to finally be able to put a name on the thing that had always been with him. His solace in the harsh universe he had known all his life. The Force. The. _Force._ The force... _the_ Force. Anakin giggled. It really sounded funny in some combinations.

The Jedi's were more awesome than he had ever imagined. A frown marred his otherwise cherubic face. But even though Qui-Gon was amazing and all that, Obi-Wan was amazing--ler. Anakin didn't understand how, but he knew that the younger Jedi and he shared something very special. When he felt Obi-Wan's presence (and all he had to do was reach out just _so_) he felt a warmth akin to that he felt around his mother. He was afraid to lose that if he failed the Jedi entrance-exams... or whatever they chose to call them.

Anakin fidgeted some with the sash that was tied around his waist, holding his tunic closed.

He really didn't know what to do if he should lose Obi-Wan. The man had become so very important to him. He recalled the talk they had had the first night onboard the ship and shivered and knew he couldn't live without Obi-Wan. Or Padmé. Oh, maybe he could live as in the technical breathing and functioning, but he was fairly sure he wouldn't _live._

Immediately he felt guilty because he realized he didn't feel that way about Qui-Gon. Life without that man would be very difficult and sad, but he would still exist as a person.

If he failed his tests, then he might lose Obi-Wan. Possibly Padmé as well. He was afraid to become nothing again. Just a number, a meaningless name among many. A slave once again. And without them there he wouldn't even have his identity anymore.

He abruptly shook his head.

_Come on, Anakin. You're nine. This is far too deep thinking for your age._

Oh yeah? Came a mocking voice in his head. Since when have slaves ever truly been children?

Anakin stared morosely at the air in front of him. He had to make the tests. He just had to.

* * *

"Easily scared this boy is?"

Yoda's words bore into Obi-Wan painfully as though the jab was directed at him and not the young prospect waiting nervously even now.

"No", Obi-Wan cut in, not caring that he should defer to his elders and wait until his master had finished speaking. "He isn't easily scared but he is lost and frightened because everything is new."

Yoda raised an eyebrow. "Certain of this, are you?"

"Yes" was the stubborn answer.

"How so sure can you be?"

Obi-Wan felt Qui-Gon's incredulous stare but ignored it, checking that his shields were in place and tried to form a good answer. He would gladly take the lecture later if he could make the Council less hostile to Anakin this time around.

"I am sure of this as I have sensed the boy's feelings and mind for myself, master."

At the sceptical looks he was given from all directions, he bristled. "He shines in the Force like a supernova, masters. Surely you all can sense there is no darkness there?!" he snapped.

"Mind your tone, padawan Kenobi" Mace Windu barked.

"Yes master Windu", Obi-Wan bowed.

"It is not his current presence in the Force that we are worried about", the dark-skinned man continued, somewhat placated. "It is his future that is shrouded."

"And will continue to be so if you all keep on holding on to your ridiculous view that anything that sounds remotely suspicious is dark!" Obi-Wan accused heatedly.

"Padawan-K"

Mace was abruptly cut off as Yoda leaned forward on his gimer stick. "Continue, young padawan."

Obi-Wan blinked at the smaller creature, disbelieving. He had anticipated to be berated, lectured, even put on probation of some sort. But not this.

"Er.." he cleared his throat and tried again. "Masters. If you meet a very young former slave boy with hostility that he can easily feel given his high sensitivity in the Force, then he's going to become just what you fear, if nothing else but as a sort of self-defense mechanism."

Mace glared at him. "Then how are we to 'meet' him as you so nicely put it?"

"Peace, master Windu", Qui-Gon found this moment a good one to intervene and try to stave off the storm. "Let him continue."

"Meet him with the respect he deserves. He is old, yes. But he is not dark. He is not selfish. He is just a bit insecure and misses his mother terribly." Obi-Wan noticed that Deepa Bilaba and Mace were about to cut him off yet again and hurriedly continued, almost blurting out his words in his haste, losing some of the elegance of his otherwise so carefully enunciated words. "Which is also very normal in a boy that age who is suddenly wrenched from the place he has known all his life. He will always miss his mother, but the pain will fade to some degree. We cannot put him under the same restrictions as everybody else. He must be allowed to have some contact with his mother or otherwise be allowed to attach himself to one of us as a surrogate. A connection like that, the feeling it invokes cannot be unlearned. If we forbid him to feel it, his future might indeed be dark."

Mace snorted. "And who would he attach himself to? You perhaps? Do not think that we have not noticed your and master Jinn's somewhat unorthodox bond."

Obi-Wan's eyes narrowed in thought. Mace and Yoda obviously suspected something. They just went about it in different approaches and angles.

"Masters", Qui-Gon interjected smoothly. "With your permission, I would like to submit Obi-Wan for the trials." He put an encouraging hand on his padawan's shoulder. "I cannot teach him anymore and I believe him ready."

"So you could free yourself to become young Skywalker's master?" Mace asked, astonishment written clearly on his face.

"No", Qui-Gon replied. "Obi-Wan is well and truly ready."

Obi-Wan felt a small probe from Qui-Gon and hesitantly dropped his shields somewhat. What trickled over was a strong sense of approval and love and he almost choked, blinking back tears. How could he have been so stupid all those years ago... or now... to ever think his master abandoned him?

"I", he croaked. "Master Yoda, Master Windu. May I have a private audience with you?"

Because his shields were lowered, he could feel Qui-Gon's surprise and faint suspicion and cringed inwardly.

"Please masters?"

Yoda rapped his gimer stick against the floor. "Without your master you wish to see us, hmm?"

Obi-Wan inclined his head.

"Very well. This meeting is adjourned for now to be reassembled in fifteen minutes." Mace said firmly and held Qui-Gon's gaze for a fraction of a second longer than necessary as the man seemed reluctant to leave his padawan alone even as the rest of the council slowly filed out of the room. But with a final rustle of his robe and a flick of his hair, Qui-Gon went as well.

_Great, Kenobi. What have you gotten yourself into now?_ Obi-Wan berated himself and shifted nervously on the spot, transferring his weight from one leg to the other.

A sharp pain to his calves tore him back to the present and he glared down at Yoda who had walked up to him and proceeded to whack him with the stick.

"Drop your shields, you will."

The command was firm and Obi-Wan stared at his beloved master in horror. They knew. Or they suspected something. He felt like kicking himself. With all the yelling he had done, they probably thought that _he_ had turned to the dark side.

His hesitation earned him another sound whack to the leg.

"Drop them now you will. And stop altering your Force signature as well."

He immediately obeyed and felt how his face once again took on a weary look. Older and sadder. He saw the change take place in the reflection of their eyes. In the startled and saddened expressions of their faces.

He hadn't aged physically, but he had allowed them to see his real age. The real Obi-Wan Kenobi.

"Dear Force, Obi-Wan. What has happened to you?" Mace breathed after a few moments of stunned silence.

Obi-Wan clutched at his robe, not sure what to answer.

"So true, the bond is." Yoda stated with his ears perked up in attention.

"I... Master..."

Mace made an impatient gesture. "Don't bother with the honorific, Obi-Wan. It is quite clear you are a master yourself."

A glance was shared between the older Jedi as Obi-Wan continued to clam up.

"We don't need to know everything, but we should like to know the basics, if that helps?"

Obi-Wan sighed and ran a hand through his too short hair. He could do basics. He hoped.

"I am not the age I seem."

Mace snorted. "That much is obvious. But I suppose you mean you are the age your expression shows."

"Yes", came the amused reply. The younger Mace was just like the Mace Obi-Wan knew in the past future. Maybe he had been there all along but hadn't deigned show it to Obi-Wan until he thought him ready. Huh. That certainly explained things. "As you have correctly sensed, there is already a bond between me and young Anakin."

"A bond of family and a bond of training", Yoda nodded and startled Obi-Wan.

"Yes master. I did not know the second bond had reformed?"

Yoda merely raised an eyebrow.

There was silence for a few minutes before Mace cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable.

"Am I to understand we denied Anakin the treatment you spoke of and pushed him towards the dark?"

Obi-Wan squirmed a bit and stared fixedly out the windows at the passing speeders and setting sun, refusing to answer.

"No more", Yoda decided. "Trials are not needed. Young Anakin's master you are to be."

At this, Obi-Wan incredulously snapped his gaze to the small Jedi.

_What?_

"Master", he began. "I do not understand."

"Nothing to discuss there is. Say nothing we will. Will of the Force this is."

With those words, Yoda sealed the conversation and made a sweeping but precise motion with his left hand and the doors to the chamber slid open; admitting a worried Qui-Gon who sped in and immediately went to his padawan, seeking to know if he was alright.

Later he would wonder how he had failed to notice the expression that was on his padawan's face the moment there was a crack between the doors, gone the next instant... or rather, how he could dismiss it so easily. But his frantic worry for the young man had effectively reduced his capability to think rationally. In one thing Qui-Gon Jinn was certain: his and Obi-Wan's bond was far more than a simple training-bond. He hoped the boy knew that.


	4. Chapter 3

Author's Note:

Hello everybody!

I'm terribly sorry I'm so lousy at actually uploading chapters. I hit the biggest writer's block I've had in my life right after getting my degree. But I'm slowly getting my inspiration back. (I suspect my muse ran away screaming when she realized I still had a huge animation assignment to hand in...)  
I also might have a surprise for you when I upload next (and I hope that will be soon).

The writer's block is also the reason why my writing style and grammar accuracy have been in steady decline. I hope you guys can read this without your eyes bleeding. .  
I'm actually amazed I'm still getting reviews and alerts even after such horribly slow progress! Thank you! ^_^

/Belzira

/

Anakin fidgeted nervously as he waited for the big, and very shiny, doors to open to admit him into the council chamber.

A padawan had come and fetched him from the small house he had been waiting in. At least he thought it was a padawan, the girl had had one of those funny braids after all.

The trek through the temple had left Anakin awestruck and more self-conscious than ever. He almost felt how the dirt on his shabby boots stuck to the floor and just didn't _belong_ there. Much like himself actually. He was getting more aware of that for every second that passed.

They had passed halls where younglings trained, where people were lectured on the great big things about the galaxy and across vast indoor boulevards with hundreds of pillars. What struck Anakin the most was the relative silence and serenity that seemed to be the very soul of the building. Hushed voices could be heard from all over, and occasionally a brief argument, but on the whole it was very silent.

Anakin himself was far from silent. He knew how to be conveniently silent so you wouldn't earn yourself a round with the stick, but he was a naturally cheerful and enterprising young boy, so he was almost never still – always curious about the wonders of the world around him and how to improve it. Besides, one never really noticed if someone was being a bit too rowdy on Tatooine anyway. Because there were _always_ someone being rowdy. Not to mention that the space ports always had a rumbling noise that seemed to blanket everything. Add on the cacophony from the marketplace and well...

Anakin shrugged to himself and got a weird glance from his guide. He mentally rolled his eyes. Why were everybody here so serious all the time? Didn't their faces get stuck?

Suddenly the doors hissed open with a sharp sound, metal sighing as the hydraulics within the metal worked its magic.

Anakin started as though he had been stung with a gaffi stick.

He hesitantly took a step forward when a glance at the girl told him she wasn't going to move anywhere from her chosen spot on the floor.

_Ok, Ani. You can do this._ He thought to himself, squared his shoulders and marched in trying to mask his anxiety.

His effort was completely wasted.

He noticed Qui-Gon fussing over an unusually nervous-looking Obi-Wan, a small green troll and a towering black man. He didn't get to notice much else besides that it was a _really_ bright, shiny and well... round... room.

The moment he put a foot inside the door, Obi-Wan's head snapped towards his.

Anakin hesitated and almost hovered in place as he looked from Obi-Wan to Qui-Gon. A soft tapping sound made him look back to the younger man. A beaming Obi-Wan was almost running towards him, meeting him halfway and lifting him up in the air, spinning in circles as if Anakin was a small toddler and not a big boy of nine years.

It wasn't easy trying to keep your head from spinning and paying attention to what people were saying at the same, Anakin mused as he giggled from the unexpected display of affection and sheer exhilaration of being spun around. He didn't really care what Obi-Wan was saying; most of it was impossible to understand anyway because of the babbling. He knew that it was something good and that was all that mattered.

He did notice that Qui-Gon looked a little shaken and... almost as though he felt like he was being tossed aside a little too fast. He also noticed the tall, dark man say something about much running today and saw the green troll whack him in reply.

Anakin laughed as Obi-Wan finally stopped spinning around on the spot and settled him on his hip –just like a baby! Anakin put his arms around Obi-Wan's neck so he wouldn't lose his balance and fall.

"Mister Obi-Wan", he said between giggles. "What did you say? You spun me so fast I couldn't understand."

Obi-Wan smirked and tousled Anakin's hair with his free hand.

"Ah, that would be _Master_ Obi-Wan for you, young one. Not slave-master, but Master."

His eyes were becoming as big as saucers, he couldn't see it for himself, but he just knew it. Anakin couldn't do anything but stare. He couldn't have heard that right, right?

Obi-Wan seemed to understand his unspoken 'really' and winked.

"Really."

"So", the voice sounded just a little bit faint and came from another direction. Anakin turned his head and saw a pale Qui-Gon taking a slow step towards them.

"What you're trying to say, Obi-Wan, is that the Council has decided you are now a knight and will take on Anakin as your chosen Padawan?"

Anakin felt a pang of guilt at this. Not that he would become Obi-Wan's padawan, but that Qui-Gon's eyes looked so sad. It was well hidden, but for one used to misery, it shone like a beacon in the dark. He turned his head to look at Obi-Wan and caught his slow nod.

"Yes, Master..."

The room seemed to darken a bit as Obi-Wan stopped smiling and looked sad instead.

Faint rustling of fabric made Anakin look around for the first time and met the Jedi Masters' curious stares. Suddenly he felt anxious again and wanted nothing more than to retire to... wherever... with Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon.

He tugged on Obi-Wan's tunic and was reluctantly let down on the floor.

"I, uh." Anakin began. "Mister Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. Can we go now?"

He knew that it was probably completely inappropriate, but he just couldn't stand the slightly depressed air any longer.

The older Jedi seemed to understand this for they nodded in agreement, bowed to the Council Masters and begged to retire to their rooms.

Anakin took Obi-Wan's hand in his and held out his other for Qui-Gon to take. Qui-Gon's calm, grey gaze met his, and after a moment he accepted the proffered hand. Anakin beamed and let the older men, that he had secretly begun labelling as family, lead the way.

/

Obi-Wan was so happy that he felt like doing completely silly things now that the initial shock had passed. Come to think of it: he already had. It was with a new spring in his steps that he all but bounced to his and Qui-Gon's quarters.

Anakin was to be his padawan again... or rather was already if Yoda was correct. He reached out tentatively for the training bond that would lead him to Anakin. And found it. An incredible sense of relief and giddiness filled him. He had gotten a second chance to hopefully do the right thing this time around.

He ignored the stares the trio received when they walked hand in hand to their quarters. Whispers echoed after them, wondering who the new kid was. Padawans and novices clustered together in small groups whispering amongst themselves and staring wide-eyed at them as they passed.

The doors to their quarters slid open with a soft hiss and as Obi-Wan stepped through he was hit with a strong sense of homecoming. He had never really felt at home in any other quarters than his and Qui-Gon's.

He took advantage of Anakin's running around and curiously poking about to make his own inventory of the rooms. They were just as he remembered them. But compared to the last time he had been in them, the atmosphere was alive and vibrant, not dead and grey. He remembered dragging his friend Bant into the rooms to help him pack – and to distract himself and Anakin, as the nine year old had been pretty depressed himself.

Obi-Wan halted in front of a bookcase that had one shelf reserved for personal mementos. Bant had asked him if she should pack those particular things, and Obi-Wan had agreed. But at the last moment he had been struck with a fresh wave of grief and batted Bant aside and refused to let anyone come near him for the entire evening as he lovingly wrapped and put away the dear things.

He cast a glance over his shoulder and noticed Anakin poking about with something in the kitchen and Qui-Gon who lounged comfortably on the couch, watching the two of them with an amused smile.

"It's good to be back, isn't it, Obi-Wan?"

"Yes, master." Obi-Wan nodded.

Qui-Gon made a small motion with his hand that seemed to take in both Anakin and Obi-Wan. "So, are you going to tell me why you not only ascended to knighthood but got Anakin as your padawan in the process?"

"Er-" Obi-Wan cringed. "I..."

Not quite meeting the older Jedi's curious gaze, he sat down in a chair opposite the couch and stared at the small glass table in front of him. He suddenly felt embarrassed, as though he had done something wrong, when in effect he had done absolutely nothing. The training bond had performed some kind of necromancy and revived itself all on its own.

"I somehow formed a training bond with Anakin as we were en route..." the words sounded feeble even in his own mind.

His master seemed to sag a little in relief.

"So there was a reason after all..."

Obi-Wan reeled back as though he had been hit.

"Master!" he spluttered. "Surely you didn't think I managed to convince them myself, to bully Master Yoda and Master Windu into accepting Anakin as my padawan?"

Qui-Gon seemed to pick up on his sense of astonished shame and shook his head gently.

"No, of course not Obi-Wan. I merely did not understand why. I assumed—"

"You assumed you would be the one training Anakin, didn't you?"

The words were sharp and perhaps a little resentful and bitter. They sure tasted bitter on Obi-Wan's tounge. He was so sure he had put that hurt behind him, but apparently he was wrong. His eyes snapped up to meet Qui-Gon's in silent defiance. The older man conceded his point by giving a small nod.

"Please do not misunderstand me, Master." Obi-Wan sighed. "I know you aren't casting me aside, but it hurts a little knowing you had everything planned out but did not deign to tell me."

"I am truly sorry. But I did not wish to give you false hopes if the Council Masters had fought me on your earning the rank of knighthood."

The two men sat in silence, looking at each other and thinking about the misunderstandings and how they could have affected the future of their relationship. They had completely forgotten about Anakin as they boy hadn't made a sound for a while.

Anakin had merely sat still in the kitchen, looking back and forth between them, trying to clamp down his anxiety. He just did not want to see the two of them fight. Not ever.

But he had decided that the time to intervene was now, if not only to lighten the mood so he could get some dinner.

"So, is that why I can sense you?" a voice piped from behind Qui-Gon.

Obi-Wan looked up and saw Anakin standing behind the couch, somehow sneaking up on them without either Jedi noticing. He nodded.

"Yes, that is why you can sense me more specifically than other beings."

"But, what does it mean to be bonded?" Anakin asked nervously. Not that he minded being bonded with Obi-Wan, and he was sure it was nothing like slavery… but the word did hold negative meanings to him.

Obi-Wan considered the question seriously, met and held Anakin's gaze before answering slowly but very clearly.

"It means we are family now."

/

Obi-Wan lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. Anakin hadn't said a word after the declaration Obi-Wan had made earlier, but he had _looked_ at the older men with huge eyes that seemed to shimmer with happiness but also partly hid a look of anxiety. Dinner had been conducted in a quiet manner, and as soon as he had been able, Anakin had slipped off to check something in his bag.

What was Anakin anxious about?

Before Obi-Wan had any more time to brood, he heard a light knock on his door. A moment later the door opened hesitantly to a crack, spilling warm light into the dark room.

Obi-Wan smiled. Only one person would both be impatient enough not to wait for an answer but shy enough to actually catch himself.

"Come in, Ani", he called out gently.

A light tapping of feet against the floor and a gentle dip of the bed next to him was all that told him of Anakin's progress towards him as the boy shut the door silently behind him.

"Obi-Wan?"

"Yes?"

Obi-Wan let his eyes readjust to the dark again and slowly came to focus on the boy-shaped shadow beside him, searhing for – and finding - the barest glimmer of a pair of sky blue eyes.

"Does this mean I have to give up mom more than I already have?"

The sentence was rushed out, laced with evident fear and Obi-Wan blinked in surprise.

"No!" he blurted out, then grimaced and slowly sat up as he considered his next words.

"When I said we are family, I meant that the family that you and Shmi have and the one Qui-Gon and I have, have just been extended a bit. Grown bigger."

"Oh."

Obi-Wan could practically hear the wheels whirring in Anakin's head as he processed this.

"So it's like we adopted you and you adopted me?"

Laughter rang out in the room before Obi-Wan could contain it. Trust Anakin to take something he had completely jambled and put it in blunter but more effective terms. He ruffled Anakin's hair.

"Yes."

The boy grinned at this, a flash of white brightly illuminating his shadow. Then he frowned and hung his head.

"But what about mom?"

Obi-Wan sighed and laid down again, patting on the bed next to him to make Anakin do the same. Once they laid on their backs, comfortably snug against each other but not uncomfortably crowded, Obi-Wan tried to explain the half-formed plan he had.

"We cannot go after her right away. Firstly because we do not have the money, secondly because we can't let you back on Tatooine without some basic training. It would be too dangerous." He met Anakin's eyes at this. "Trust me."

Anakin nodded.

"I don't know when we will be ready to go back-", at this he felt Anakin almost crumple inwards and pressed on. "-but I promise that we will go as soon as we can."

"Ok", the boy said slowly. "Watto wasn't _that_ bad, so I guess…" he left the sentence hanging in the air, then quickly changed the subject. "Can I stay here tonight? My new room feels so big."

The response was a headlock and the Hair-Tousling-Of-The-Century.

"Ow! GERROFF!"

/

Qui-Gon slipped back to the sofa with a huge grin plastered on his face. He had persuaded Obi-Wan into taking his own former room until it could be arranged to open a door into the adjacent quarters from where they had stolen a room to add to their own. He would sleep on the sofa until then.

He had noticed when Anakin tip-toed to the door and pretended not to notice him, but buried his nose in an extremely dry report on the tax system of Chandrila.

The earlier silence had troubled him, so he had sneaked up to the door to eavesdrop… but from the look… or rather, sound, of things, Obi-Wan was handling everything quite well.

/

"Again!"

The command echoed against the wall in the small training salle.

Anakin lay sprawled on his back in a ungraceful heap from where he had fallen from the unforeseen backlash to one of his Force control assignments. He glared up at Obi-Wan who was standing a few feet from him, barely concealing his mirth. But the way his eyes danced with laughter, he didn't really seem to try very hard.

"Again." Obi-Wan's tone was softer and he seemed to have taken pity on his young padawan as he extended his hand to help the young boy up. They had been training since sunrise on empty stomachs and he suspected it was beginning to take its toll on Anakin. Boys were very hungry beings by nature, after all.

"Come on", he encouraged the disgruntled boy. "Just one more and we'll go eat breakfast."

Anakin grumbled and made sour faces but complied. This time he compensated for the rebuffing excess force but still swayed a little.

Obi-Wan put a hand on his shoulder to steady him.

"That was better, Ani. Just a little more and you will be able to both hold a shield and redirect the strikes to where you want them."

The small praise was met with a huge beaming smile and Obi-Wan felt his own lips stretch into a smile of his own in response.

"Well. Let's go get something to eat, shall we?"

The boy didn't need to be asked twice but sprinted out the door, dragging his adoptive parent after him.

They all but rushed towards the mess hall when a slightly annoyed-looking Qui-Gon finally managed to hunt them down.

"Obi-Wan!"

Obi-Wan turned around and tugged a little on Anakin's sleeve to make him come to a halt as well. He took the opportunity to study his master a little closer as the older man hurried to catch up with them. Qui-Gon didn't seem to have gotten much rest as his hair was less neat than what it usually was and he had that particular frown that he usually wore when being dragged out of one of his beloved meditations and flung in front of the council.

Obi-Wan sighed mentally. When would the council stop to purposefully antagonize his master? Probably when Qui-Gon started obeying all orders to the letter. Which would be… never.

"Yes master?" he queried reflexively.

"It's 'Qui-Gon' now, Obi-Wan." The reply sounded just a little bit irritated.

"Of course, master."

_Ok, bad move Kenobi._ Obi-Wan thought to himself as Qui-Gon didn't relax but instead shot him a small glare.

"The Council", Qui-Gon gritted out between clenched teeth. "Has given us a new mission. We are to escort Queen Amidala back to Naboo."

Obi-Wan felt his heart drop and an icy feeling settling in his stomach.

"No!" he blurted and with an extreme use of his willpower continued more calmly when both Qui-Gon and Anakin stared at him incredulously. "We cannot abort Anakin's control training in the salles right now. He's at a crucial stage."

"Yeah", Anakin muttered sullenly. "Just ask my bruises."

Obi-Wan put a calming hand on the boy's shoulder even as he fought his own panicked feelings. _If we go back there now, Maul might…_ the memory of his master dying in his arms flashed before him again and he felt new tears in his eyes. _But I'm a better warrior this time. I won't let him die._ But even as he thought that a small voice that sounded ominously like the Emperor cackled in his mind, belittling him for even thinking his master's death could be prevented. Maybe it was the will of the Force for his master to die. After all, Obi-Wan's failure in the last fight with Maul was that he was too clouded by emotions and too inexperienced. _But I have experience now_… The voice cackled again. Yes, he had experience, but did he have enough control over his emotions?

"Obi-Wan?" the deep voice came from directly before him and Obi-Wan opened his eyes, not realizing he had closed them and looked straight into Qui-Gon's. "Are you alright?"

"No", he confessed silently. "I'm not."

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

Tell Qui-Gon? About his own death? Obi-Wan stiffened and drew back so quickly that it almost looked like a small jump. He averted his eyes and looked just about everywhere that wasn't his master or his padawan.

"I… can't." He felt his throat close up. "I need to see Master Yoda. If you will excuse me." He darted off without waiting for their reply.

/

Obi-Wan sat next to Ric in the cocpit of the ship that would take them all back to Naboo. The talk with Yoda had left him in a negative and brooding mood. _'If death, the will of the Force is. Change anything you cannot.' He says._ Obi-Wan sneered to himself. _But what should I do? I can't just stand back and watch him die again. I couldn't live with myself._

He had avoided Qui-Gon and Anakin as much as he could during the past two days when they prepared for departure. His master had shot him pointed stares but distracted Anakin and took over his training temporarily.

_I am a very bad master_. Obi-Wan berated himself. Abandoning Anakin as he had could not be good for the youngster. On the other hand. If he continued to train Anakin while in this mood, it might be dangerous as it would introduce an element of additional emotional instability.

"We're ready for the hyperspace jump now, master Jedi" Ric announced.

Obi-Wan nodded his 'go ahead' and quietly exited the cocpit.

Only to be immediately ambushed and dragged by the neck of his robes backwards into a small compartment and cornered by a very angry Queen Amidala.

"Explain yourself!" she demanded angrily, eyes flashing.

Obi-Wan blinked dumbly at her. "What?" he managed.

"What is the meaning of your behaviour towards Ani?" she hissed.

"My—"

He was cut off with a short and angry wave of her arm as she pinched the bridge of her nose with her fingers. Her expression clearly said she thought he was daft.

"Let me rephrase that", she said slowly. "Did Anakin do something that has made you dislike him in any way?"

_What?_

"No!" he shouted.

Padmé's angry expression softened a little as she noticed his shocked look.

"Then why did he seek me out last night in tears and asked me why you don't like him anymore?"

Obi-Wan could only gape at her.

She sighed and sat down on a bench and motioned for him to do the same.

"He doesn't think I like him anymore?" Obi-Wan echoed and she nodded in confirmation.

"But why? I heard Qui-Gon explaining to him that I needed to think about a few things in private but that I would be back as soon as I could."

Padmé gave him a long, searching gaze.

"He says you feel all icy and angry inside. And it started when you had just ended your last training session." She sighed. "He started crying just thinking about it and wouldn't let go of me all night long."

Guilt overwhelmed Obi-Wan as he sat there, baffled. _Wait. All 'icy' and 'angry' i n s i d e?_ He quickly sought out the training bond and found it as he had left it; muffled to dissipate any negative feelings before they could reach Anakin. Realization dawned on him with a big shock as he found the family bond without similar protective measures.

_How could I have forgotten about the second bond?_

He tentatively sent an apologetic probe down the bond, pushing feelings of warmth and love with it. The young mind reflexively reached out to accept it, but quickly stopped and curled back in on itself before it made contact. _As if he didn't dare to hope._

"I… I have made a big mistake." Obi-Wan admitted weakly. "We Jedi have bonds of a sort that connects our souls together when we are in a master-padawan relationship."

Padmé looked at him curiously.

"I share two such bonds with Anakin. I had protected one but forgotten the other."

Lost in a new sea of guilt and remorse, he only snapped back to himself as Padmé laid a small hand on his arm. He looked at her and found sympathy and understanding in her eyes.

"I think I understand, Obi-Wan", she said quietly, using his first name for the first time. "But you need to reassure Anakin quickly. He is a very unhappy boy right now, but his former life as a slave has made him very good at concealing such feelings."

Obi-Wan nodded his thanks and stood up to leave. As the doors slid shut behind him, he heard a faint "Good luck" whispered to his back.

/

Anakin wasn't in the mess hall and none of the crew had seen him since takeoff. Obi-Wan frowned as he closed the door to the mess hall after peeking inside. If he were Anakin, where would he go? He had already checked the mechanic's room, but it was empty.

Obi-Wan hunted through the ship, looking the oddest places for Anakin. Qui-Gon was nearly knocked down by his determined former padawan when they collided when rounding a corner. Obi-Wan didn't seem to notice Qui-Gon, however, as his gaze was fixed through the wall on the maintenance tubes that ran throughout the ship. Qui-Gon stared after him bemusedly as Obi-Wan found an access panel and climbed inside.

Finally Obi-Wan spied a blob of cream-white through the grill of a panel and smiled triumphantly.

/

Anakin jumped as a loud clang echoed through the small droid storage closet where he sat keeping Artoo company, or so he told himself. He looked wildly at the source of the noise and was met with the sight of his master grinning goofily at him through a hole in the wall.

"Hello there!" his master greeted cheerfully and sent him a small wave with his hand even as he tried to climb out.

Anakin could only stare mutely as Obi-Wan rubbed off a smudge of dirt from his nose as he sat down in front of Anakin.

"I was worried I wouldn't be able to find you before we landed", Obi-Wan said, ignoring the fact that the young boy was still gaping at him.

Anakin looked first at Obi-Wan and then at the, now closed, panel, and back at Obi-Wan.

"You climbed _in there_?" was all he managed after a few moments of spluttering incoherently to himself in his mind. His master merely raised an eyebrow.

"Apparently."

"But _why_?" Anakin blurted. His master was decidedly weird. This new fact pushed away all gloomy and dejected thoughts he had previously been preoccupied with.

Obi-Wan scratched his head before shrugging slightly.

"I thought that if I couldn't find you by looking in all the compartments, then I could probably spot you from the maintenance tubes."

"Oh."

"Oh, indeed."

Blue-grey eyes regarded Anakin for a few moments. Anakin found himself fidgeting slightly and he tugged at the unfamiliar tabards of his Jedi apprentice uniform.

"I'm sorry." Came the gentle voice and Anakin's head whipped up. _What?_ But Obi-Wan wasn't done. "I'm sorry that I forgot to shield you from some… negative thoughts I had. I assure you that they have nothing to do with you, Ani. And I was not trying to get rid of you. I simply thought that you would be more comfortable with Mas—Qui-Gon while I figured some things out on my own."

Hang on. His new master was not angry with him? Anakin was actually wanted? Again, he could do nothing more than stare completely dumbfounded. Something was irritating his eyes. They felt prickly. Oh no. He would _not_ cry. He wasn't a baby anymore.

Baby or no baby. Obi-Wan seemed to ignore that fact as Anakin found himself folded into a hug the next moment and a warm feeling of love flowed down the family bond. He buried his face in his master's chest and cried, letting go of all the self-doubt, fear and loneliness that had plagued him. All the while, Obi-Wan kept up a steady stream of reassuring words and rubbed his back in soothing motions.

"We're family now, remember? I will never try to 'get rid' of you. I promise you that, Anakin."

Anakin smiled.


End file.
